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An Interview With God Part 2. | William Thomas Online | William Thomas

An Interview With God Part 2.




Oklahoma tornado survivor says they were saved by the Lord -CNN




AN INTERVIEW WITH GOD


PART 2.

    

 by William Thomas




TECH: Red light means go.


RICHARD QUEST: (still squinting intently at God)

 

GOD: What?

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: I’m seeing how fantastic you’d look in an Aztec priest’s mask.

 

GOD: Hang on. I’ll go fetch my jaguar dagger. You hold the dazed virgin until I hand her your heart. I mean, hand you her heart.

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: That’s not funny!

 

GOD: You started it.

 


RICHARD QUEST: (quietly) You know, more and more we interview survivors of natural disasters and most of them always say, 'God saved us from the twister.' 'God saved us from the hurricane.' But nobody ever asks why God visited such calamity upon their loved ones in the first place.

 

GOD: (chuckles ruefully) It’s true. I get away with a lot. Their daddy fixation also leaves believers susceptible to televangelicals and other charlatans who demand money and more money, claiming they have my unlisted number. They don’t. 

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: Who made you?

 

GOD: To quote your own eighth-grade catechism: 'God made me, this I know.'

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: But you're God.

 

GOD: You catch on fast. 

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: You mean, for a reporter.

 

GOD: Yes. You don’t seem to be in my records. And you are quite weird. Even for a production anomaly, you certainly seem... anomalous. Your own baffled father called you an ‘alien’. 


 

RICHARD QUEST: You’d be surprised at how many are like me.

 

GOD: Rebels. Misfits. Artists. Scouts. Witches. Shamans. Philosophers. Visionaries. (makes the sign of the cross) I bless you all. You’re going to need it. Because when the new theocracy is complete, you’ll all be barbecued on a spit. The Inquisition was just a field test.

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: Life is one long argument between belief and reality. 


GOD: Robert Anton Wilson was a hoot. 



RICHARD QUEST: He also suggested getting rid of all the programs that make us miserable. Urging “love and cheerfulness,” RAW rightfully remarked, “It’s nicer living in a happy world.’ 


GOD: To connect with God Consciousness, he specifically recommended ‘breathing, music, LSD and kabbalist magic.’ He seems to have left out the entire clergy. 



RICHARD QUEST: Why are all theological arguments and assertions circular?

 

GOD: Because theologians proclaiming certitudes about things they cannot possibly know are just spinning their wheels.

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: All the holy books are made-up stories?


GOD: Deliberately made-up metaphors. Like the great cathedrals of Europe, fabulous fables from Asia and the Middle East are far more profound than they first appear, and can be decoded by those who know how to read them. Don't get hung up on the stories. Look to where they point. And your own spiritual growth.



RICHARD QUEST: The number of souls who might have met you range only and abruptly from nobody to every-one who’s died since there’s been anyone around. 


GOD: Makes you wonder why no one’s 'phoned home' in ways that can be live-streamed.



RICHARD QUEST: Which means that nobody – not the pope, not the most learned rabbi or imam – knows a thing about you. Can know anything about you.  

 

GOD: The way that is spoken of is not the Way. A god who can be named is not God. 

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: You've just shredded the entire religion racket.

 

GOD: Read your Niebuhr and Lao Tzu. Or maybe it was Bonhoeffer. Some German wise guy anyway. They were the only ones who got it right: any true God is beyond words. This means that God – if I actually exist – cannot be spoken of.

 


Shiva and Parvati in love -Michelle Cross

 


RICHARD QUEST: Why did you never marry? Do you have a goddessfriend? 

 

GOD: (sighs) I've never even made out.

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: You had adulterous sex with Mary.

 

GOD: That wasn’t me. Talk to the Holy Ghost 

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: I love how otherwise rational believers pray to a ‘holy ghost’ with a straight face. Another spectral male in an invisible all-male trinity that excludes Mary and all other women, real or imaginary. As if any godman could exist without a mother.

 

GOD: Men rule. That's how I set it up. You don't like it, make your own universe.

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: Some of us are still trying to fix the disastrously out-of-balance patriarchy your self-appointed male representatives have sanctified. Seeing how egregiously so many of her representatives are still being mistreated, it’s clear that after 2,000 years of religious misogyny, the persecution and attempted subjugation of the goddess continues. The good news is the sisterhood has had enough. The bad news is that it’s come to this.


GOD: You’re blaming me? Joe would certainly agree.



RICHARD QUEST: I’ll bite. What did Joseph say when the spouse who wouldn't let him ‘know' her because she had to remain a virgin told him she was pregnant?

 

GOD: He was cool with it. His exact words to her were: 'I feel honoured and privileged to be cuckolded by the Holy Ghost.' He was kidding, of course. I mean, he wasn’t kidding.



RICHARD QUEST: The mythical Mary wasn’t always a virgin. As others have pointed out, this iconic mother became a virgin again under papal decree in 649. And while we're on the subject of theological revision, you didn't really kill your only son, did you?

 

GOD: Of course not. It was that asshole with the spear.

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: Please don't use such language on-air. It's unbecoming for a... for God.

 

GOD: You mean I won't go to heaven?

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: (high-fives his interview guest) Good one, dog! 

 

GOD: Thanks, yo.

 

 



RICHARD QUEST: So ‘fess up. Jesus Christ was just another mythical Action Hero. Before Superman broke the mold, at least 35 dudes in ancient times either claimed to be or were followed as a ‘messiah' – from Adad of Assyria to Beddru of Japan, the Buddha, Cadmus of Greece, Crite of Chaldea, Ischy from Formosa, Krishna, Mohammed, Odin (who carried a Scandinavian passport), Prometheus (who was hot, sorry), Thor ('The Hammer'), Thammuz, Zoroaster and Mithra – both of Persia. Even someone named Salivahana from Bermuda got in on the act. Before Irma flattened the place.

 

GOD: Big deal.

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: Huge deal. Given the deep animosity of their subjects toward them, hard-eyed Roman cops, quick-buck informants, and undercover agents swelter- ing in their overcoats and fedoras kept close watch on all Jewish rebels calling themselves the Messiah. 


GOD: You don’t say.



RICHARD QUEST: During the time Jesus is said to have preached in Palestine, Simon of Peraea and Athronges both led separate uprisings against their hated over-seers. Six and 46 years after his alleged passing, Judas the Galilean and Theudas also incited revolts against the Romans. Lke the latest hits, the wannabe messiahs just keep on comin’. 

 

GOD: Are you calling me an imposter?



RICHARD QUEST: Just confused.


GOD: Anybody can claim to be anyone. And many people do. There are probably even more 'Sons of Sam' than supposed 'Sons of God'.

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: An unfortunate comparison. But here’s the thing: each of these crucified saviours billed themselves as the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Each 'Light of the World' followed the same plot points, claiming to be: the Son of God born of a blessed virgin and carpenter fathers beneath a guiding star. 


GOD: You done?



RICHARD QUEST: Each of these 35-plus figures holding the title ’Saviour' was also said to be an eternal being without sin representing their heavenly old man. Crucified between two thieves, for all their loving ways dozens of legendary messiahs warned of a heavy Day of Judgment befalling all those who were not with their program. 

 

GOD: (glares)


 

 

Ancient templates for humanity’s oldest story



RICHARD QUEST: Horus at the breast of his prototypical mom, Isis, was the most obvious template chosen by a cabal of misogynist male control freaks when they proclaimed their guy among so so many imaginary predecessors to have actually lived some 80 years before they started copying and modifying each other’s yarns.

 

GOD: (exasperated) The first time you jumped out of an airplane and your parachute opened, didn’t I hear you shout, ‘Praise Jesus!’

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: (smiles) I give thanks often. Also, my crotch was being crushed by the shock of opening. To return to my plagiaristic point... the many ‘pagan' followers of Mithra vehemently protested that they, too, were being ripped off by Christians cribbing their more popular rituals and beliefs.

 

GOD: Whatever works.

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: Archetypes rule us because they steer  our stories. Thing was, up till then the folks who revered and recounted the Most Popular Story Ever Told knew it was just a story. Everyone hearing the latest iteration of the Saviour parable realized that not taking it literally was the whole point. There is so much more power in Jesus the myth than Jesus the man.

 

GOD: Today, many people apparently prefer to believe that a narrative constructed and revised over 2,000 years must be for real. Why are you trying to undermine all they have left to cling to?



RICHARD QUEST: Providing ritual, solace and support, courage and comfort are what churches do best. And bless them for that. Biggish problemo though: People impaired by drugs – including the drug of religion – are super-susceptible. Along with all that warm belonging, Churches also enable a self-righteous exclusive lock on made-up ’truth’ that feeds a fierce tribal intolerance toward 'Others’. 


GOD: David J. Brown unhelpfully pointed out that the abbreviation of any Belief System is… BS.



RICHARD QUEST: Most notably absent is sustained and concerted protest by platitude-parroting churchgoers as the killing, maiming and traumatizing of distant strangers by their sons and daughters, neighbours and parishioners goes on and on and on.


GOD: They’re all cold-blooded murderers, I suppose.



RICHARD QUEST: Most often recruited from the ranks of blacks, Hispanics and proud hillbillies with few options and a burning love for their flag and country, these kids are driven by exploitive patriotism, the need for a job and direction, massive firepower and the best of intentions. Thing is, before knocking their doors down, Washington never asks anyone if they want to be ‘saved’ for Pizza Hut, McDonalds and bankers by Abrams tanks, white phosphorous, cluster bombs and flying Warthogs spewing womb-warping radioactive munitions.  

 

GOD: When violence makes a circle it becomes a noose. I thought I gave everyone free will and told them not to kill anybody?



RICHARD QUEST: That’s a recipe for severe dissonance. Which is why one more nightmare-wracked veteran has come home to take their life every hour, day and night for the past 15 godda… 15 years! Sometimes their spouses involuntarily accompany them. And 22 suicides a day are just the numbers reported to officials. 



GOD: At least give my followers credit for the power of their faith.

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: Blind faith is not commendable. In a world where the most facile explanations are crumbling fast and first, religious blinders, rote responses and make-believe may be momentarily comforting. But during an accelerating extinction event, feeling comfortable is dangerous! Especially for those who consider themselves immune from the calamites they’re unleashing. 


GOD: You



RICHARD QUEST: Don’t worry. Inarguable contradictions only drive true believers deeper into their beliefs.


GOD: You’re just trying to destroy people’s faith because you envy their belief.

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: How can anyone wake up when they insist on staying asleep? Only when superstition ends, can the heroic inner quest for fuller realization begin. Looking into these recovered mysteries, we find that the transcendent symbolism of the oft-retold Saviour Story points to the Christos within, inspiring each of us to do the work necessary for our own resurrection – the real point of the Easter allegory. 


GOD: I don’t see you in church.



golden-forest 360

“Golden Forest” by William Thomas (no Photoshop)



RICHARD QUEST: Every time I go out on the ocean or venture into the forest outside my door, I find myself in a mighty place of worship where challenge and response are not scripted. Far as I can tell, each of us is here to do the sacred work of conducting our daily life without surrendering our individual responsibility for personal awakening to bible-pounding priests or pundits.

 

GOD: Whoa, Dude!

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: The truly spiritual guides, who are not just rote religious clerics blindly quoting dogma but women and men smart and brave enough to question their own faith, can give pointers. But our mission in this embodiment is to find out for ourselves what lies behind the veil of illusions we sleepily call ‘reality'. How else are we going to come back to ourselves if we don’t do the work?

 

GOD: ‘Coming back’ means…

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: To awaken from the dream we think we’re actually living and which we assume is all there is. 

 

GOD: (fingering his beard) Not bad. How did you find out? The predatory prelate’s most ruthless cleaners censored the Gnostics, garbaged the other 76 books and gospels, and worked overtime to silence every whisper of the Occult and discredit all those other Mystery Religions as 'conspiracy theories'. Cost them a fortune. And a lot of heads rolled trying to keep all those bubbling lids on.




 

RICHARD QUEST: Good luck peddling their version. Walking on water. Bringing that dead geezer back to life. Resisting Magdalene's charms. All this and more capped by a crucifiction when the sky supposedly turned as dark at midday as Kuwait City during the oil fires. Thunder rent the purple temple cloth, and thousands of skeletons rose from their graves and shambled among the living, singing, ‘Ain’t no grave gonna hold my body down.'

 

GOD: An old favourite.



RICHARD QUEST: We're talking 9/11 Meets Day of The Dead! Three days after taking that spear through his heart, Jesus – like all the other storybook Redeemers before him – walks out of that borrowed tomb, freaks out his mother and closest friends, and levitates into heaven. Again, supposedly in front of witnesses.

 

GOD: (yawns) That's correct.

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: Yet, from Apollonius to Favorinus, Josephus, Persius, Petronius, Plutarch, both Pliny’s, Ptolemy, Seneca, Tacitus, both Valerius Flaccus and Maximus – and 28 other renowned historians of the time – aside from two forged passages by a disreputable Jewish author, and two disputed sentences by some Romans writing about something else, total references to Jesus Christ among a crush of sharp-eyed Pagan and Jewish writers jostling for shekels and recognition… Zeeero.

 

GOD: You copied those names from Wikipedia.

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: Wiki-leaks

 

GOD: Somebody blabbed. 


 

Seneca in discourse -Arte Ole


RICHARD QUEST: Point is, nobody blabbed. Not one among dozens of contemporary historians chronicling every noteworthy incident in Roman-ruled Palestine – and none of the detailed Roman tax rolls and court records – mentions the life, teachings, miracles, followers, trial, sentencing, torture, capital punishment and resurrection of a dangerous revolutionary called Jesus. Never mind all those zombies and atmospheric anomalies.

 

GOD: So what?

 

 

RICHARD QUEST: Mon Dieu, God! The entire levant would have been buzzing with stories and rumours, speculation and first-hand accounts of the most phenomenal phenomenon of all time! Yet nobody – not one person in any official record, diary entry, historical blurb, or correspondence at the time – thought any of this worth mentioning. 


To someone who’s been a print journalist since 1967, and won awards for my work, the long indifferent silence surrounding the 'Event Of All Time' shouts louder than all the hoaxes and collusion that came after it.




Interview With God concluded…


PART 3.    



Back to Part 1.




 

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