So in the land of Saturnalia and Invictus, Christianity became a hard sell with each party-goer,
Who enjoyed the December 24 gift-giving, when an Unconquerable Sun didn't get any lower.

The Son of God newcomers charged that earlier festivities were all works of the devil,
But for thousands of years the Sun God had first dibs on those who would revel.

Augustine was choked, and badgered his brethren, “Don't celebrate this heathen day of old Sol.”
Paul was pissed, too, and Leo likewise rebuked a swingin' season that was not properly droll.

So when 4th century Christians refused to give up celebrating the 12-day Yule this way,
Church leaders co-opted the pagan's fun, and moved the Nativity to this day.

Stealing Mithraism's moniker, the Church “Fathers” must have partaken intoxicating fluids,
To use tall tapers for Christmas High Mass, and Mistletoe sacred to the Druids.

For those ancient Priests of the Oak loved decorating pine trees like early Solstice TV pilots,
In bright woolen bands to encourage new crops, and candle-lit strings of the prettiest violets.

The candles came from ancient Aryan Yule ceremonies, not to light ditches,
But to ward off the thunder, storm and tempest gods - and later, witches.

Yet even in the newest Christian nation, Jesus never made it onto the dollar bill,
Where the Eye of Horus looks over a Masonic Pyramid still.

At least Saint Nicolas was a real 11th century bishop, you see,
A persecuted prelate who after his death became a cult figure in Italy.

The Greeks and Russians were also major Nicolas fans, which was hardly shocking,
For he was said to give money to good needy families, in the first Christmas stocking.

The Dutch called Saint Nick, “Sinterklaas” - you see where this is going.
Brought by immigrants to America, he became “Santa Claus” - and kept right on growing.

It turns out that Dutch kids not busy at leaky dikes were used to receiving presents put down the chimney,
While Boxing Day saw Norman French nuns giving to the poor from their church's alms box, nice and simply.

The Germans brought over the Christ Bundle, which they called Christkindl.
But Americans couldn't speak their lingo, and referred to “Kris Kringle.”

When Clement Clark Moore wrote a poem tagged “A Visit from Saint Nicholas”.
His tale of eight reindeer was repackaged as “The Night Before Christmas”.

Harpers Weekly paid Thomas Nast to draw Santa Claus cartoons during a bleak Civil War of so many dead.
And later the McLaughlin Brothers printing company debated colors for Santa's garb, and decided on red.